Nightmares on Ice

 In 2005 when I was an E-4 in the military I was raped and beaten repeatedly on the military base of Fort Lee Virginia. I then had to go into rape therapy in three states of the USA for the screaming nightmares from PTSD. Perhaps the ugliest part of this experience is how much people victim blame women AFTER the fact. Then the military men falsely accused me of robbing a bank and doing drugs. This was to be VENGFUL as I refused to be their permanent uncomplaining rape victim. I was acquitted of all these charges to have a perfectly clean criminal record to be hired as a teacher in 2019. This hiring requires passing drug tests, and extreme background checks. Why were they telling lies about me? It kept me unemployed so that I could NOT afford hire lawyers to complain about the beating-rapes. This lets them beat-and-rape MORE women, and is NOT a mistake. Just because I was making the best of a horrifying and nightmarish situation does not mean it was NOT a disgusting nightmare I will forever remember with disgust. Worst of all people think because I was in the military that military men are my “type” and they are doing me a “favor” by introducing me to MORE military guys. Words can not describe the searing loathing nightmare-horror I feel when reminded of the military. Few military men do NOT inspire screaming levels of disgust in me. Don’t mention it, and toss it up in my FACE in conversation. It will NOT cause bonding it will cause permanent HATE from me. I say this because last New Years Eve MORE people tried to introduce me to single military men, and former military guys tried to talk to me. If I don’t mention why this is an incredibly BAD idea people are going to keep making it WORSE forever! Things like “oh she volunteered for it”, and “oh she liked it”, or “she had wine” are statements that are the DEFINITION of victim-blaming. If you try to force me to live with a military man I will take a knife from the kitchen, and stab him in the eyeball as he is asleep. The truly sad part about all this is I enjoy dating and companionship very much, and I am extremely lonely. Unfortunately sexy people I do like can not get near me as men from a job I HATE keep getting up in my face every single time I go out in public in the pain pit that is Virginia. The ice-storm has given me plenty of time trapped inside this week to think about how in years past in Texas I met my ex-husband at a very happy New Years party. Socializing in Virginia has only given me pain, loneliness, and nightmares. My mother sold our family house in Texas, and I am now trapped in the most horrible state I have ever lived in, and another year has passed on icy roads.

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P.S. This is no “sleepy post” or “sick post” I really have hated Virginia and Fort Lee with all my soul for years. I hated it the first time I stayed there, and I hate being near it the second time even worse. I will only be friends with people helping me find an apartment-sharing situation to move far away from the nightmare of Virginia. New Year’s Eve has reminded me that I really can NOT take another year in this horror-pit full time.